I don't even know what to say. I stole this fair and square from hexagonalcarbon. Russia must be making fabulous leaps in the production of hallucinogens or something. If you think the beginning is weird, just wait 'til the end.

http://www.vimeo.com/1223566

Date:	2008-07-11 01:17
Subject:	Sleepy snippets
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

- Direct deposit is annoying when you're $58.26 in the hole.
- I can't seem to have a job without financial drama. A week or so after I started, and they've pulled tip-pooling, so I've basically gotten a $2/hr pay cut.
- I have one cigarette left. The knowledge that I only have one cigarette left makes me wanna chainsmoke.
- Con did wonders for my skin (although that was probably because of 5 days not working).
- Instant mashed potatoes are awesome. Especially with white truffle olive oil and Supreme Garlic A-1.
- The Roomie is being a total crab-ass, lately.
- Con spoiled me. I need more do-it, and I need it RIGHT NOW.
- Every time I talk to someone at the New Job, I'm reminded of what a small world it is. I've never met any of them, but they know everyone I do. More and more every day.
- I need to get out more. Con reminded me that there are, in fact, humans I don't want to stab. A few, anyway.
- One of the bakers at work brought in chocolate/oreo cream pies from culinary school. I ate a lot of it. Behold the bloat!
- I really want a beer. Just one cold Summit EPA. This is, at present, impossible.
- I made a kick ass pasta salad at work today. My chiffonade job on the basil was pretty sweet. Simple is good. Assloads of fresh basil, diced romas, freshly grated parmesan, cracked pepper, EVOO and red wine vinegar. Stupid easy, stupid tasty.
- I'm really killing time until MAN THING gets off work and calls me.
- I think I give up.

Date:	2008-07-07 15:18
Subject:	Obligatory CON wrap-up...
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained
Music:	Schema - Negative Format

A lovely time was had. As per usual, I spent most of it sort of floating around talking to people, and very little doing anything specific (panels, room parties, et cetera). If I did not attend your function, please do not be disappointed, as I didn't really attend any* functions. Well, the DJ dances, but I had ulterior motives.

Saw many awesome people I haven't seen in forever, met plenty of new awesome people. DJ Spider is teh Aw3somez000rs, and I want to keep her.

If anyone knows the Very Nice Guy who does Space Lounge stuff, with brown hair and glasses, who is a lawyer...can't remember his name, but his badge name was an article of copyright law? Tell him the book I was talking about is "Noir" by K.W. Jeter. And I totally did not make it up.
http://www.amazon.com/Noir-K-W-Jeter/dp/0553762869/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215462517&sr=1-6

Saw my darling sib briefly the first day, whereupon she got me hammered by 4 in the afternoon and promptly disappeared, never to be seen again. I blame her for my drunk-dialing Bahb while he was teching mainstage.

Other crap in bullet form, since I did get a little overzealous with the partying, and some things are a little spotty...

- Absinthe is the devil. While it does taste a lot better with a ton of water and sugar and fire, it is the ultimate in horrible, spinny hangovers that last until 9:30pm the next day.
- Industrial hotel carpeting makes for really bad rugburns.
- Beth rocks.
- My HR manager goes to CON.
- The "Revive" variety of VitaminWater fixes just about anything. Hooray for B and Potassium!
- Rice is not food.
- You can, in fact, fit 4 people in a 2-person hot tub. Lots of soap helps, and giggling.
- I should wear my teal Mandarin dress more often. Fanboy complements I can understand, but small children and little old ladies even said it was really pretty.
- My boyfriend looks holycrapsmokinghot in a sarong.
- I am officially too old to sleep on the floor.

I'm sure there is other stuff, but today is for re-acclimating to the normal world, and going to Hard Monkeys later, to see Spider again, because she is awesome.

Date:	2008-06-27 00:22
Subject:	Quick upping of the date.
Security:	Public
Mood:	busy

Got a new job. Cupcake. Is the awesome. I get a chefcoat with my name on it, and they pay me what I'm worth, and I get to make soup from scratch, and I have smokebreaks in Stonehenge.

While everyone else gets to gay it up this weekend, I'll be attending an Evanglist Christian wedding in Sheboygan. (Dani's brother's marrying a churchy girl.) No drinking, no dancing. WTF is the point of a wedding, if not to watch your older relatives get totally fucking hammered and try to do the Electric Slide?! Apparently, there will be a quasi-secret Normal People (ie: not crazy Jesus freaks) reception on the sly. Dani and I picked our most tattoo-exposing fancy dresses to wear, and are planning on getting good and drinky (even though neither of us are big drinkers -- it's the principle* of the thing).

CONvergence next weekend and I'm super-stoked. Got a room for once! No time or extra money for costume, though. Oh well.

Gotta pack. And clean the kitchen. It's the yearly ANT ATTACK. Bleah.

Date:	2008-05-06 14:59
Subject:	It's mah birthday!
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

Whee! I heart my birthday. Had a nice late dinner last night at Chang Mai Thai with Bahb, then had a beer at Mortimer's. Got a "birthday eve" present from Bahb -- a 500 gig hard drive! Woo-hoo! (My dinky li'l 60 is getting holycrap full, can't even defrag anymore). There is a fat stack of presents waiting for Dani getting back from the vet's. Pretty excited.

Going to Devotchka tomorrow night. Managed to score tickets off craigslist. That was my present to myself. Should be a hoot. I love Devotchka.

Other than that, gonna get a haircut from Dani today and just roll with it.

Edit: Had an awesome 5pm "breakfast" at Fujiya, got a haircut. Dani's presents were awesome, too. A really cool, big Ikea computer desk modular system doohickey and all the supplies to dye my hair just like she does at work (so I can do it myself), including mad-scientist gradiated hairdye beakers. Woo-hoo! I love assembling furniture. No, really. I get a completely ridiculous kick out of putting things together. And Bahb installed the hard drive. Which is HUGE! HUUUUUGE! I'm gonna download everything, now. Whee!

Date:	2008-05-03 01:40
Subject:	Meme me me.
Security:	Public
Mood:	weird

Too funny. Too true. I stoled it.

( clicky...DO IT! )

Date:	2008-04-26 07:11
Subject:	I CAN'T SLEEP!
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

Argh. Twitch. Twitch. Toss. Squirm. Stretch.

Fuck.

Insomnia sucks goat balls.

Date:	2008-03-30 12:02
Subject:	Ugh.
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

I'm going to Irena's memorial today. It's at Palmer's. I suppose that's fitting, since we all hung out with her on the West Bank, and that's where we all know each other from.

But I don't wanna go there! Maybe it's fucking selfish, but I don't go there anymore for a reason*. It's depressing. I get to see all the people I spent most of my 20's with, haggard and fucked up and dying. With 3 fucking teeth and Hepatitis C. I resent them for letting themselves get that bad, and they resent me for cleaning up and doing shit with my life. There are a ton of people I just don't want to see at all, and I know they'll be there because they're ALWAYS there.

My stomach's tied up in fucking knots. Partially because I'm not good with funerals or grief in general, but mostly because I just have this horror of going there and having to deal with all these ghosts and bad mojo and my past and memories and old friends and old enemies and just...everything. I cut that part of my life off. I don't want to go back and see what's left.

But I owe Irena at least that much. The people who threw the memorial together don't hang out there anymore, either, and have gotten out and done shit with themselves, so hopefully at least I'll have people to talk to who aren't* trying to kill themselves with rail vodka and crack. And I'm hoping that the fact that it's a memorial will make it some kind of cease-fire for old bullshit. The West Bank is depressing, but there is sort of an old-school respect thing like that. And everyone loved Irena.

I guess it's fitting to go to this depressing, absurd place to mourn a depressing, absurd death. She* got out of the West Bank, went back home to the Czech Republic, made a life for herself, married a "good" kind of guy, had a beautiful daughter. Then the "good" guy turns out to be more of a psycho than Redboi (who she dated when she lived here, nobody could figure out why) and kills her.

Bleah.

So I dropped off a resume at Spoonriver today, which is the big, gourmet sit-down restaurant by the same chef as Cafe Brenda. They're hiring full-time line, starting garde-manger. It's right up my alley, though my traditional French is a little spare. Local, sustainable, healthy but not afraid of classic meat dishes (miso-glazed pork loin, duck liver pate -- there's a charceuterie plate!). Nervous about that, I guess.

Did a little Retail Therapy with Dani, today. More for her benefit than mine, as she's newly single. Got some nice stuff, and I'm freaking flabbergasted at how much weight I've lost. I'm a 6 petite (as long as it's stretchy enough to accomodate my MIGHTY ASS)! Weird. I rarely buy new clothes, so sizing doesn't enter my mind, much.

Sad that there's no more Jericho. I'm not a TV person, generally, so it's weird that I get that into a show, but it was good. Now I have to wait until June (maybe?) for the new season of Venture Brothers before I care about TV again.

And now I can't sleep. Grrr. It's fairly common, but it's more annoying when I've got a great big snuggly muppet in bed and all I can do is toss and turn. Seriously the most comfortable person to sleep with, ever, and I can't stop twitching. I'm having a glass of tonic water, because it's supposed to help, along with getting up, stretching, walking around some. And playing Windows Solitaire until I can't see straight.

Date:	2008-03-18 15:37
Subject:	The good, the bad, and the annoying.
Security:	Public
Mood:	grateful

The show last night was AWESOME! As brutally sleep-deprived as I was, I managed to make it to the club early, with all the food (except for the Thai salad, which I didn't have time to make). The Alter Der Ruine and WASTE guys were beyond grateful for real food, and made me blush 'til I thought my head would burst into flames with praise. They were all really super nice guys.

And then they ROCKED. It was awesome. I don't get a chance to see the noise music I like live, hardly ever, so it was really exciting. ADR are more pounding beats/speed noisy kinda stuff, and WASTE are more terrifying noises/lots of strange samples kinda stuff, so all my favorite bases were covered. I danced! I danced out my recent demons and stress. I danced like a complete dork. I totally don't care. Except today I'm pretty sore from the dancing/too much coffee dehydration/not sitting down for 20 hours until I passed out in bed.

The bands ended up giving me a ton of merch in thanks for the food, which I kinda felt bad about because that's their tour money and I'd planned on buying stuff anyway. So I bought a nice ADR zip hoody.

Grrr...and then today, while I was ripping the CDs they gave me, my power supply up and died. All troubleshooting (both solo and on the phone with Sexy Tech Support) failed to make it go and pointed to the power supply being the culprit. Sometime in the next couple of days or so, STS is coming over with a power supply testing widgety thing and some spares to see if we can get it running.

Until then, I have to compute on the CRAPPY LAPPY. I hate the crappy lappy. It more than earns its name (which is its official computer name and designation on the network). It's a POS Compaq Presario 2500. The battery is dead, so it has to be tied to the brick (and you can't really move it because the plug is shorty). The touchpad doesn't work, and the regular mouse port is dead, so I have to use a USB mouse. The soundcard is fried, so if I want to hear anything out of it (besides fans), I have to use a USB soundcard thumb-widget thingie, which kinda sucks. And now the wifi card seems to have bitten the dust, so it has to be hardwired to the network. I got it for free, and I'm used to using cast-off computers with, how shall we say, "personality," but it is seriously the most annoying computer I've ever owned. Did I mention how it overheats at the drop of a hat, weighs like 15 lbs, has the spottiest HDD ever (it's definitely going south, I get the death-whir occasionally, and it likes to just eat things randomly), and just basically blows goats? It blows goats.

But, thankfully, I don't have to deal with it for long. I just thought I'd whine, because I like to whine. And the awesomeness of yesterday's show more* than makes up for the computing troubles today. Plus, I slept for 10 solid hours. Like a log. Like the dead. Like the totally freaking exhausted. It was awesome.

Date:	2008-03-16 03:41
Subject:	Menu anxiety!
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious

So those of you in bands (or foodies)...

I'm feeding W.A.S.T.E and Alter Der Ruine on Monday. They're Bahb's friends and they've been on tour forever, so I kinda wanna treat them.

The only prereq's in their rider were no tomatoes, and nothing that'll make them gassy (since it's 6 guys in a van). They're all omnivorous, one guy is hankering for fruit and veg, but the rest are cool with meat, meat, meat.

How's this sound?

Curried yogurt dip, in a multigrain boule (you know, like spinach dip usually is, with the taken-out bread in dippable little bits), with fresh fruit and veggies. The yogurt dip is equally tasty with both. Maybe some cheese, too.

Cold Thai rice-thread salad with holy basil, mint, black mushrooms and shiitakes, tossed in a mirin, rice vinegar, hoisin sauce, ginger dressing, maybe with grilled chicken or shrimp?

Cuban sammiches (pork loin roasted with hard cider, and ham) with a mojo sauce (garlic, lime, olive oil -- kinda like an aioli). Probably in some kind of ciabatta bread.

Is that too many ethnicities in one menu? They're from LA, so they're probably used to the latin/asian thing. Too fancy? It's all pretty simple stuff to gnosh on while you're running sound check and whatnot, and substantial enough (while not too stomach-bugging) to form the base for a night of heavy drinking.

I haven't catered anything in a while -- does this sound retarded, or tasty?

It's nice out. I have the day off. My stomach seems to have stopped being evil from yesterday's stress. I have a few bucks to get bicycle parts.

Sounds like a plan.

Riding my bike 'til it hurts fixes almost as many things as very hot baths and naked jujitsu deathmatches.

Also, I like fixing things. It puts order back in my universe.

Date:	2008-03-13 15:05
Subject:	RIP Irena.
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

So, a good friend of mine from my West Bank days, who moved back to the Czech Republic, went missing at the end of February. Married, with an 18 month old daughter. She was only 28, and I was hoping she was just too stressed out and decided to run away for a while.

Her husband confessed to killing her, and burying her in the forest in Bohemia.

This is just too fucking surreal. It feels like the crap forensics shows I watch on CourtTV when I can't sleep. Only it's my friend, and it's real.

I fucking hate grief. I suck at it. I get all locked up and empty-feeling and I can't cry. I've had entirely too many friends and family die, and I never get any better at this.

I keep trying to remember good things, like how I found a Czech tourists' phrasebook and wrote her an absurd little note in Czech -- something about having powdered donuts in my underwear, and that we should go get a beer. I can only remember two words of Czech: Krasny (beautiful) and Pivo (beer). She was so fucking happy, because nobody here spoke Czech and she missed it. She said I pronounced it well, and was the only person who got her name right (the R sounded like a rolled D).

But it's still all raw and weird and unreal, so that's not really making me feel any better.

Fuck. I'm almost hoping it's slammed at work tonight, because I think I need the distraction.

Sick. So sick. Flu. Dying.

Actually, I'm better off today. Yesterday was brain-melting fever, waking up confused and delirious and scared (about halfway through my 16-hour powersleep I realized I should probably take some Advil to get my fever down) and also that "every cell in my body full of ground glass" feeling.

Today, the fever is slightly less insane (just sort of chilly and out of it, and I can't find my damned thermometer). Hurty coughing.

I called into work. I hate doing that. But besides the fact that making people's food while I'm a giant, leaking sack of viral contagion is not* a good idea, walking across the room makes me tired.

I'm very glad I recently made an assload of soup and then froze it. It's my magical, fix everything, chock fulla garlic, ginger, chilis and thyme chicken soup, too.

Date:	2008-02-18 19:40
Subject:	BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold

So why couldn't the boiler have gone all 'splodey one of those days last week when it was 35? Huh?

Yep. No heat at Chez Regina. Cranking all the space heaters has brought our huge, draughty house to a balmy 48 degrees. In the middle. Thankfully, our landlord (a Master Electrician, so he let us know exactly which outlets to plug all the space heaters into for maximum safety and non-breaker-breakin') is flying in (he "lives" in the same house, but works in Washington State most of the year) and should be here about 1am, whereupon he's not passing go, not collecting $200, and going straight to "How to get a new boiler ASAP and also keep my tenants from dying." He's generally alright like that. It probably doesn't hurt that his girlfriend lives upstairs, too.

I'm* spending the night at Bahb's, since he's a human space-heater and his house has* a furnace. That works, even. And if all else fails, there are plenty of cats (definitely last resort, anyway). Last night, the last dying spasms of the boiler (with much groaning and hissing and venting of steam) got it up to 51 in the house, and I survived by taking a blistering hot shower, then donning 3 sets of pajamas and crawling under every blanket I own (which is a lot). I grew up in a huge house with no heat ('ceptin' big stinky kerosene heaters and the oven), so I got skilllllzzzz.

Gotta go...

Date:	2008-02-04 02:48
Subject:	Ouch.
Security:	Public
Mood:	sore

Reason no. 234897298347 why I don't like the StupidBowl: Everyone and their freakin' mom came in for brunch, today. Got my ass handed to me. Plus, our dishwasher called in sick, so I got shanghaied into dishing as well as my standard brunch position as toast bitch/meat grabber/panini whore/the one who makes things pretty. So it was 8 hours of balls-out running and insanity. Good crew, though, now that Clayton's gone. We got silly.

I'm feeling exceptionally old and creaky today. And someone's been beating on my feet with hammers.

Did the dishes, though. And did a (hopefully) successful stint as Best Friend Crisis Negotiator. I'm never really sure what the right thing to say is, when someone's all...emotional. Generally, I make off-color jokes and offer common sense advice. I figure that works.

Got a backrub on the way. Woo-hoo! Boy-howdy do I need it.

Finally got all my w-2 forms. Haven't figure out states, yet (anyone know what you do when you move states in the middle of the year?), but federal (even without the renter's rebate that I've never done before) looks to be a halfway decent return. At the very least, I'll be able to pay Dani's parents back. Maybe get a little closer to caught up. That will be a load off.

I would just like to profess my undying love for blackstrap molasses. It is the shit. It's delicious on toast, in coffee, and full of weird nutrients I never seem to get enough of (potassium, iron, magnesium). All hail molasses.

Apparently, my cellphone provider requires money* for services, so until I can give them some (I tried cramming my entire 47 cents into the phone, it didn't work.) I'm phoneless.

But whenever I'm not at work, I'm online obsessively, so email me (pygmybrat@hotmail.com) or myspace me, or whatever.

Capitalist pigs!!

Love,
Broke Ass Motherfucker

Date:	2008-01-08 15:43
Subject:	Better. Slightly.
Security:	Public
Mood:	A little better

I seem to have come into the "purging" phase of the virus. Less painful, way* more disgusting. I was unaware that my respiratory system could harbor so much vile, revolting phlegm. Keeping up on the Mucinex and mad fluids to facilitate the purge. Ugh.

Well, at least I can hear, now. Although I'd rather not be hearing the gloppy, "productive" coughing.

On a different note, the shower CD player we got for Xmas is awesome. As are the totally embarassing shower singalong CDs Dani burnt for it. Because at home, alone, in the shower, is the only really acceptable place to be singing along with "Cats."

So sick. Can't fucking breathe. Throat hurty. Can't stop coughing (which makes the throat hurt worse).

I called into work. I never* do that. Not unless I'm vomiting. And now I can't get back to sleep. I took more cold medicine, hoping it'll cut the hurty and fever and coughing long enough for me to fall back asleep.

So, in my sickness last night, I went on a music-grabbing spree.

And now, I'm listening to a buncha SUPER cheesy gangster reggaeton. I don't know why, but I love this shit. It's so bouncy and angry and corny. Plus, rapping sounds way better with rolled r's. And is way less retarded when you have almost no idea what they're saying. And the beats are totally nuts.

Unfortunately, the grouping "reggaeton" doesn't differentiate between the hard, angry stuff and the holycrapI'mgonnavomit super gooey ballads. If you thought modern R&B/hiphop ballads were bad, just try adding the freakish melodrama that only Latin folks seem capable of.

Still feel like crap. Floated my way through a hellish workday today in a fog of Theraflu. Although thankfully the sore throat seems to be abating, now I've got a bitchin' case of "broken glass lung" and I'm horking up demons.

Been looking deep into Craigslist lately for jobs. Seen some decent stuff. As soon as I'm no longer a festering pile of viruses, I think I'll start callin' some folks.